Thursday, August 19, 2010

Top 10 Things Learned When Driving 4,000 Miles

At the beginning of August, I wondered what lay in wait for me as I set out on my cross-country trek to the Greater Philadelphia Christian Writers Conference. It only took 15 days and a little over 4,000 miles of driving (mostly by myself) to get from Denver to Philly and back with a few stops along the way. I managed to learn a few things in the process.

Top Ten Things Learned When Driving 4,000 Miles in 15 Days By Myself:
10. Don’t plan a road trip longer than one day more than you’ve previously done. Your butt needs time to gradually work up to sitting for that long.

9. GPS means Gotcha Phooled, Sucka! I turned down paper maps at the AAA office, thinking Charmin Garmin (as my granddaughter Kayleigh named her) would get me where I want to go. Ha!

8. Take paper maps. Print Mapquest or Google, get accordion maps, write out directions, or have something non-technological that will tell you where to go. Well, you know what I mean.

7. Line up a “Phone a Friend,” someone who works at home and has a computer on at all times. My friend Ken Arney connected me with AAA to get maps when Charmin died, gave me a detour route for the Indiana turnpike when a truck accident blocked the road for hours, and even figured out how to get my air conditioner to work! (Just a few of the “bumps” in the proverbial road.)

6. That rule about stopping every two hours isn’t just for leg-stretching. It’s also for engine-heat-thawing-the-air-conditioner-condensation-that-froze-and-stopped-the-air-flow. That happened while my friend Becky Spencer with her “personal summers” was riding with me to Detroit. Not a fun day for her.

5. Just like Forrest Gump, when you find a bathroom, use it. Highway personnel are evil and don’t always tell you in advance when the restroom is closed or being cleaned. How do you get that message to your bladder in time? Oops.

4. Use your God-given cruise control. Some folks like the speed up/slow down thing, but it’s aggravating for us good drivers. And you can usually get away with 5 mph over the speed limit when cruising.

3. If my writer friend Rick Marschall offers to ride along when you go to pick someone up at the airport, ask for his hidden agenda. You’ll find yourself driving all over his old stomping grounds to get a milkshake, fries, or fresh pretzels from the Pretzel Factory. Really yummy, by the way.

2. I learned that I can actually take a 4,000-mile trip by myself and not die.

And the Number 1 thing that I learned about taking a solo 4,000-mile road trip:
1. I will NEVER do it again!

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