Duane's passing and 3 cancer hints

Good Saturday evening, dear friends and loved ones.
It is with a sad heart that I advise you of the death today of Duane Koski, my son Brian’s father-in-law. Duane was diagnosed with cancer in mid-November, and outlived the doctor’s prediction by three weeks. He fought valiantly, but slipped peacefully into eternity with his family at his side. Thank you for your prayers for him, and please continue to pray for his wife Nancy and daughters Sarah and Laura.

When Duane was first diagnosed, Sarah said she wished that my book was available, because they could use the suggestions in it. I sent her the first chapter, which contains the three most important hints. I decided I’d share them with you as well.

When you or a loved one is diagnosed with cancer, there are three vital things to do:
1. WRITE IT DOWN: Take notes at every treatment and doctor’s appointment, and record weight, blood pressure, and temperature whenever they’re taken, as well as pain and nausea levels and how medicines affect them. Keep these and all other paperwork and handouts in a loose-leaf notebook.
2. SLOW DOWN: Don’t drive as fast or do things as quickly as usual. Your mind is working slower, so take your time doing everything, especially in the kitchen. You can cut or burn yourself or put things away in the wrong place, like the milk in the pantry instead of the refrigerator.
3. SIT DOWN: Take time for yourself and don’t feel you have to keep your normal schedule. Give yourself permission to rest when you need to, whether you’re the patient or the caregiver. You need it.

Feel free to pass these on to anyone facing cancer, to help them on their journey. This is from the first step of my book, “Stepping Thru Cancer,” which is about 80% done, so it should be available soon. Each week, I hear of someone else who is starting their cancer journey, and that’s an expedition that shouldn’t be made alone. I hope to have the book out in the next few months.

Thank you for standing by me on my journey, and continuing to support me in my new career.
Love and prayers to all-
Debbie

Merry Christmas, 2009

Merry Christmas!
I put off writing this letter because I didn’t have anything worth sharing. My wonderful sister-in-law Wanda had warned me that the second Christmas alone is worse than the first, and it proved to be true. Last year, I had adrenaline, busyness, friends, and family to help me through, but this year the reality finally set in.

Other years, I’d have my tree up and decorated the day after Thanksgiving, but this year it took two weeks longer, and the rest of the decorations took another week. Fortunately, I had already done most of my shopping, so I was more prepared than I thought.

Last night, my sister-in-law Carolyn called to share her Christmas joy with me. She had been to the VA hospital in Reno to visit her husband, my brother Ken Horn, who is doing much better than expected. He is eating more, is putting some weight back on, and most of the time has control of his muscles.

Ken dropped a magazine on the floor, and managed to bend down and pick it up. Not bad for someone who just a few weeks ago could move only his eyes! He doesn’t laugh, but he does get a big grin, especially when something funny happens. And when their son Eric left his room, Ken told him, “I’m not dying yet.” We can all learn from his determination, especially me.

We’re still praying for Duane Koski, my daughter-in-law Sarah’s dad. He’s in a nursing home and getting treatment and physical therapy to regain his strength. He and his family still need our prayers and God’s help.

Let’s all make this a great holiday with loved ones and remember the reason for Christmas: God sent His son to live with us and die for us so that we can be with Him forever. One of our church choir’s Christmas songs says it all, “Start at the manger, then go to the cross.” I hope and pray that you do the same, start at the manger this Christmas, then go to the cross. What a gift, feely given and received.

Merry Christmas to all, and God bless us, every one!
Debbie

First anniversary

Well, I survived the first year without Bryan. One year ago, on October 24, 2008, Bryan passed into the arms of his Savior to live in eternal joy. He is no longer in pain, no longer sleepless, and totally cancer-free. And I know that one day we’ll be reunited.

My sister-in-law Wanda e-mailed me on Friday to let me know she was thinking of me, and that the anticipation of the day is usually worse than the day itself. She was right! She quoted Psalm 119:49-50 -- "Remember Your word to Your servant; You have given me hope through it. This is my comfort in my affliction: Your promise has given me life."

Thanks to my wonderful family who made sure I wasn’t alone at all that day. My mom (actually my first mother-in-law Loretta, who calls me her “other daughter”) came over Friday and spent the night. Then, my son Brian and his wife Sarah came over and we all watched a Ken Davis comedy DVD. Boy, it felt good to laugh! And to top it off, my sister-in-law Ann got us tickets to the Colorado Avalanche hockey game, which the Avs won! It turned out to be a good day after all. The tears didn’t flow until I was alone on Sunday.

I’m officially retired now. Many were concerned that I would spend too much time alone, since I’m home writing all day. However, in the three weeks I’ve been retired, there was only one day that I didn’t get out and see people. And now that rehearsals for the Christmas program at church are under way (and I’m the pianist), that’ll get me out of the house six times a week!

Work is coming along on my book giving practical ideas and suggestions for each step of the cancer journey. I’ve written seven of the 50 anticipated chapters. I’ve put my personal story on hold for now, as people facing cancer need these ideas to get them through one day at a time; my story can wait. The words just seem to flow out of me when I write, so I should have the first book completed well before the end of the year. Re-writing and editing, however, that’s another story!

My trip to Ohio for my sister Barb’s funeral went very well. There were a few difficult moments, as people deal with grief in different ways, and may not understand when someone responds differently. I’m so glad I had that visit with Barb in August. And Barb’s daughter Patti came back to Colorado with me after the service to attend my nephew Fred’s (her cousin’s) wedding in Grand Junction two weeks ago. It was a joyous time and a great trip, and we had time to grieve together.