Stepping Thru Life

Why?

2011-06-16T15:27:00.000-07:00

Why do bad things happen? It just doesn’t seem fair. We do everything right, and still we get “dumped on.” Why? Where is God?

Why not? What makes us so special? The night before his crucifixion, Jesus prayed that he not have to go through it. He knew it would be hard, painful, something he would have preferred to avoid. But he knew that’s what God wanted, what had to be done. He said, “Father, not my will but yours be done.”

Maybe that’s what we need to say. We don’t know why things happen. And if we did, it probably wouldn’t make a difference anyway.

Imagine if God had gone to my husband Bryan years ago and said, “Hey, Bryan, I have a fantastic lady (me!) with two sons who need your influence. You and Debbie will improve each other’s lives more than you can imagine. But I’ll need to take your current wife, Beth. She’s going to die of cancer.”

Would Bryan have responded, “Oh, okay. Sounds good”? Of course not! He couldn’t see what the future would bring, and would have preferred not to go through losing a wife.

Just knowing WHY something happens doesn’t make it any easier to handle. We may never know the why. But we can trust that God has a bigger plan in mind.

Bless you today. Know that God loves you.
Debbie

Enough is enough!

2011-05-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, God, I'm tired of being Mrs. Job. Enough is enough!

I already had some major expenses last week. My friends Hope and Becky along with their daughters, all pianists, are visiting next week. I HAD to have my piano tuned so it would be close in pitch to the harp, guitar, and keyboard for a jam session. Then, since I couldn't expect them to shower in the hard water I've been using since my water softener died, I bought a new water softener.

Those were planned expenses and inconveniences. This week it's a different story. Monday, my clothes washer decided to quit spinning. Yesterday, my refrigerator's motor began to sound like a jackhammer. Last night on the way to choir practice, I blew a tire. And today, I discovered that I had forgotten to scrub a toilet after squirting it with cleaning gel. So, instead of a white toilet bowl, I have a blue-striped one!

Okay, I'm done. No more bad things happening. I know these are all "opportunities in work clothes." Yeah, right. To you they are, but to me, they were close to the last straw. Where's my Valium???

Then I remembered Psalm 118:24, "This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it." (NKJV) I like the Message even better: "This is the very day God acted-let's celebrate and be festive!"

So tonight I'm "celebrating" my fridge that didn't make the noise when the repairman was here to fix it; the ice maker that began working perfectly just because he turned it on instead of me; the clothes washer that would cost more to repair than to replace; and the exploded tire in the trunk. I think I'll go to Cold Stone Creamery for supper on my way home from the tire store and the appliance store. What a celebration!

We don't know why things happen; we just (hopefully) learn to cope with circumstances that present themselves. But who says we can't celebrate once in a while?

Make it a festive day!
Love-
Debbie Hardy
http://SteppingThroughCancer.com/
http://SteppingThroughCancer.blogspot.com/
http://SteppingThruLife.blogspot.com/

I want more! (devotion)

2011-01-25T18:55:00.000-08:00

Well, I am officially published on the web on other than my own blogs. YAY! Go to http://christiandevotions.us/tag/debbiehardy/ to see my devotion for today.

My book, "Stepping Through Cancer: A Guide for the Journey", is at the printer now and should be available within three (3!) weeks. I never dreamed it could happen, but it's coming together now.

Debbie Hardy

New Year's letter, 2010

2011-01-03T21:47:00.000-08:00

Happy 2011!
It’s the start of a new year, new resolutions, and new beginnings. I learned long ago that we choose how we live each day, what attitude we have, and how we react to things that life throws at us. After all, life’s not the way it’s supposed to be. It is the way it is. How we react to it makes the difference.

For me, 2010 was a year of ups and downs.
Among my “UPs” are:
• Completed my first book, Stepping Through Cancer: A Guide for the Journey, slated for release February 11.
• Designed an accompanying handbook for cancer caregivers to keep track of all the paperwork.
• Signed contracts with HigherLife to publish both.
• Drove cross-country from Denver to the Greater Philly Christian Writers’ Conference in August. Since I’ll be travelling to talk about and sell my book, I needed to convince myself (and others) that I can do it.

These “DOWNs” had silver linings, so they weren’t so terrible:
• Hail damage to both the Stratus and the Magnum, not to mention the house and roof. But it allowed me to replace the Stratus with the car I really wanted, a PT Cruiser!
• Close encounter between the Magnum and a pole in Walgreen’s parking lot. Caused almost at much damage as the hail. But SVE, the body shop, did an excellent job and gave me a bottle of touch-up paint. Cool!
• Both my laptop and desktop computers are reaching the end of their lives at the same time, but they’ve lived eight years. That’s the main reason I haven’t sent an update lately. The modem died, too. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear all my electronics are conspiring to drive me crazy!

Came across a quote that I’d like to share—my hope for you in the coming year:
From the late Dr. Lew Smedes of Fuller Theological Seminary, I wish for you “joys deeper than any sadness, gratitude happier than any regrets, hopes brighter than the shadows of any discouragement, and the vitality to make of every day what God on Christmas Day made for all days.”

Have a very Happy New Year!
I’ll let you know when my books are out.
Love to all-
Debbie

I need your help!

2010-10-20T22:24:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends and family!

Life goes on, one breath at a time. I’m coming up on the two-year anniversary of Bryan’s death this Sunday, so it’s been a little tough. Not as bad as last year, but the thought and pain are always in the background.

Yesterday, Derrick Hayes at http://www.derrickhayes.com/blog-1/ posted my comments about how life is different from where I expected to be 5 years ago. I could write a book (wait a minute – I did!) although we were limited in the number of words. It was a challenge, but it’s now posted as #8 on his blog.

My publisher and I are discussing the cover design, marketing plan, and website, so my book, Stepping Through Cancer, A Guide for the Journey, is moving forward. Still estimating a February release date.

Here’s where I need your help with a marketing plan. They want to know places where I could speak and promote my book. Many of you have invited me to come and speak to your group or church. Please let me know of any connections you have with a church (please give approximate membership), organization, media, conference, event, or educational institution that may share a passion for cancer caregivers. I want this book (and myself) to be available to anyone and everyone who is caring for a loved one with cancer.

I’ll probably start speaking soon. I won’t pretend that it doesn’t scare me to death, especially doing it alone. But I know this is where God wants me right now, so I’m stepping out in faith.

Our pastor John Martz was speaking about honestly putting in God control our lives. He had us hold our car keys in our hands, palms turned up and fingers outstretched. Then, we prayed that God would take the keys of our lives and that we would be passengers, going wherever He wants us to go. It was quite a moving exercise and let me know that I’ve been holding tightly onto my “keys.”

I just watched “Back to the Future III” again. The movie ended with Dr. Emmett Brown saying, “Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one.” Good advice for all of us. Maybe being a passenger with God as the driver will make it REALLY good!

Make it a good one.
Love to all-
Debbie

Ten Best Things about Being a Grandparent

2010-09-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

Today, my son Brian Harmon and his wife Sarah became first-time parents. Beautiful little Carys Anne Harmon was born at 10:32 am, 6 pounds 15 ounces and 20 inches long. She looks just like Daddy except for the whiskers, but on her it looks good!

Having been a grandparent for 12 year now, I’ve learned a thing or two:

Ten Best Things about Being a Grandparent

10. You don’t have to fight all the battles. If they don’t want to eat their vegetables, give them a cookie instead.

9. You get to spoil them and send them home.

8. What happens at Gramma’s stays at Gramma’s. (Or so we’d like to think. We all know that little mouths blab everything they see!)

7. Grandkids don’t play one grandparent against the other. They only do that with Mom and Dad.

6. Leave discipline to the parents. Your job is to have fun and create memories.

5. Sweet phone calls, even when you can’t understand a word they say.

4. You don’t have to pull all-nighters. That’s for the parents to do.

3. You usually see the kids at their best.

2. You can be silly and the grandkids don’t look at you like you’re from another planet.

1. Unconditional love. Isn’t that what we all want?

Have a blessed day!
Gramma Debbie

Top 10 Things Learned When Driving 4,000 Miles

2010-08-19T17:40:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of August, I wondered what lay in wait for me as I set out on my cross-country trek to the Greater Philadelphia Christian Writers Conference. It only took 15 days and a little over 4,000 miles of driving (mostly by myself) to get from Denver to Philly and back with a few stops along the way. I managed to learn a few things in the process.

Top Ten Things Learned When Driving 4,000 Miles in 15 Days By Myself:
10. Don’t plan a road trip longer than one day more than you’ve previously done. Your butt needs time to gradually work up to sitting for that long.

9. GPS means Gotcha Phooled, Sucka! I turned down paper maps at the AAA office, thinking Charmin Garmin (as my granddaughter Kayleigh named her) would get me where I want to go. Ha!

8. Take paper maps. Print Mapquest or Google, get accordion maps, write out directions, or have something non-technological that will tell you where to go. Well, you know what I mean.

7. Line up a “Phone a Friend,” someone who works at home and has a computer on at all times. My friend Ken Arney connected me with AAA to get maps when Charmin died, gave me a detour route for the Indiana turnpike when a truck accident blocked the road for hours, and even figured out how to get my air conditioner to work! (Just a few of the “bumps” in the proverbial road.)

6. That rule about stopping every two hours isn’t just for leg-stretching. It’s also for engine-heat-thawing-the-air-conditioner-condensation-that-froze-and-stopped-the-air-flow. That happened while my friend Becky Spencer with her “personal summers” was riding with me to Detroit. Not a fun day for her.

5. Just like Forrest Gump, when you find a bathroom, use it. Highway personnel are evil and don’t always tell you in advance when the restroom is closed or being cleaned. How do you get that message to your bladder in time? Oops.

4. Use your God-given cruise control. Some folks like the speed up/slow down thing, but it’s aggravating for us good drivers. And you can usually get away with 5 mph over the speed limit when cruising.

3. If my writer friend Rick Marschall offers to ride along when you go to pick someone up at the airport, ask for his hidden agenda. You’ll find yourself driving all over his old stomping grounds to get a milkshake, fries, or fresh pretzels from the Pretzel Factory. Really yummy, by the way.

2. I learned that I can actually take a 4,000-mile trip by myself and not die.

And the Number 1 thing that I learned about taking a solo 4,000-mile road trip:
1. I will NEVER do it again!

Made it to Pennsylvania

2010-08-11T06:03:00.000-07:00

Good morning! Well, I made it to Pennsylvania! Each of the first 3 travel days included some "bump in the road" that created frustration, worries, and extended drive time each day! Not good.

So yesterday, when I was on my 5 1/2-hour drive from Cleveland to Harrisburg, I kept waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop, wondering what would happen. I'd already had (minor) car problems, an air conditioner that didn't work, a dead GPS and an hours-long traffic jam involving a detour. What else could happen?

Nothing!

It was a smooth, uneventful drive yesterday. I arrived at Hope Flinchbaugh's house right on schedule with all mechanical and electrical devices working. Thank you, Lord! Hope could see how tired I was, so she prayed that I'd get a good night's sleep, which I did. Oh my, how good you can feel after sufficient rest!

I have a 2-hour drive today, followed by setup at the Greater Philadelphia Christian Writers' Conference. I'm taking and setting up displays for Hope and for Becky Spencer, since they'll be arriving later. And I get to make an airport run, so I'll be tired again tonight. But it's a good tired, and I'm looking forward to it.

Please pray for the conference, that everyone will make it there safely and that we'll create new relationships, cement older ones, and meet the right people for our books. I'm SOOOO looking forward to it. Last year I was a newbie. This year, I belong.

Where am I going?

2010-08-08T00:53:00.000-07:00

In preparing for my cross-country drive to the Greater Philadelphia Writer's Conference, I invested in a Garmin GPS, lovingly named Charmin Garmin by my granddaughter Kayleigh. As a result, when I visited the AAA office for a tour book, I told the lady I didn't need any maps. HA!

At the beginning of my 11-hour drive from Buhler, Kansas, to Chicago on Friday, Charmin decided she had taken me far enough and she quit. Totally! Just quit! I was on an interstate just outside Kansas City and had no idea how to get from there to my friend Ken's in Chicago!

Bottom line - I called Ken who bridged on the AAA office in Kansas City for directions to their office so I could get maps. The directions were wrong! She told me the wrong exit and to go left, not right. Another hour wasted.

As the frustration built, I was determined not to cry but to just keep driving. God and I had a long talk, and I asked if this was a sign that I shouldn't be going. The announcer on radio station 88.7 FM, the FLR (Family Life Radio) that I had on IMMEDIATELY said, "Cheer up! You're right where God wants you. Just give it up and let Him lead the way."

Wow! I had asked for an answer to prayer, but I never expected to hear a literal voice with that answer! Needless to say, I cried. But this time they were tears of relief, not tears of fear or frustration.

I made it to Chicago in 13 hours instead of the 11 I was expecting, but I made it nonetheless. And I know that I'm right where God wants me to be. That's the best place for anyone--to be right where God wants you.

Thank you, Lord!
Love to all-
Debbie

A new roof and a new beginning

2010-07-11T20:08:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends, family, and loved ones (you know which you are!)—
Well, I made it through Bryan’s birthday today, July 11. I kept busy and thanked God for the time we had together, although it was much shorter than I wanted. Since we lived our “happily ever after,” I’m not in a hurry to remarry. I’ll leave the single older men for other women who haven’t found their Prince Charming yet.

But it’s possible: The Fourth of July weekend was spent with family in Ohio, witnessing evidence that even we “old folks” can find happiness! My 75-year-old widowed (or is it widowered?) brother-in-law married a beautiful 75-year-old widow in a “Victorian” ceremony. There wasn’t a dry eye in the church. And I’ve never seen old people kiss as much as those two! It was really cute, not gross like watching your grandparents kiss.

Yesterday my roof was replaced. Yay! I left for a few hours while the roofers were working and came home to find a flyer from A-1 Roofing taped to my front door, wanting to give me an estimate! Too bad he didn’t see the ladder to the roof (that he had to walk around), the four guys doing the work, and the shingles in the roll-off on my driveway! Talk about dumb!

Interesting display of opposites: The roofers worked for over 14 hours to get the roof completed in one day. That’s commitment and hard work. Then, this morning I saw a lady walking her dog IN A BABY STROLLER (the dog was in the stroller, not the lady). Why bother?

If you have nothing better to do, you can go to ArvadaCovenantWomen.blogspot.com and read an interview with me for the Women Ministries at my church. I didn’t think Kinsey would put it all there, but she did. Ironic that it was posted on Bryan’s birthday.

Today’s word of hope is from the Touched By An Angel day-at-a-time calendar script by Martha Williamson: “When two people choose to become one, you become something even greater than that if you ask God into the circle, ‘for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer.’ Because when times are better, God blesses you, and when times are worse, God will bless you even more.” I can attest to that, and the blessings keep coming.

Thank you for all your love, help, and prayer, and for blessing me.
Love to all-
Debbie

2 lessons learned

2010-06-24T12:38:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon, all!
A lot has happened in my life, but not much has changed. I guess that's the way life usually is, thank goodness!

Three events and two lessons learned:
First event - my son Tim graduated from California College San Diego with a BS in Computer Science. He's always been good with computers and electronics, so we hope this will lead to a successful career in what he loves. Mom and I had an enjoyable weekend in Southern California while Denver received yet another hail storm.

Second, I helped out at a birthday party at Royal Family Kids' Camp. This camp is for kids in foster care to have a week to just be a kid and not worry about being abused, left alone, or acting grown up. They get "loved on" by volunteers and get to have more fun than I've ever had! (For more info, go to www.rfkc.org.)

I've never felt such positive energy under one roof as I did at that birthday party. Imagine 83 kids ages 7 to 12, some of whom have never had a birthday party, all celebrating and receiving gifts. It was electric! And all the boys put together their little Styrofoam airplanes and flew them around the room for half an hour. What fun!

Third, I ate out alone again today at the Brighton Depot Restaurant. I know, I was cheating going to the same restaurant, but at least I did it-alone! This time it was a fundraiser for CASA (Court-Appointed Special Advocates) where my stepdaughter Lisa volunteers. She works with three brothers to be sure their best interests are considered by the courts. (For more info on CASA, go to www.casaforchildren.org.)

And the two lessons learned:
1. My Guideposts magazine fits perfectly in my purse for reading in a restaurant.

2. I'm not ready to ask someone to join me yet. We've all seen movies where a single woman in a restaurant sees a handsome man walk in and invites him to join her. Well, the first part of that happened: a handsome man with graying hair walked in, looking for a table. He glanced at me several times and then took the table next to mine. I thought this was the moment, until he told the waitress he was waiting for someone. I'm SOOOO glad I didn't invite him!

Quote of the day is from the "Touched By An Angel" day-at-a-time calendar: "Truth penetrates your heart, in a way that mere words cannot." I hope that what I write is more than just words. I share the truth as openly as I can, trusting that it will help others.

Well, that's all for now. I'm back to working on my personal memoir of Bryan's cancer journey and my life since then. Many people have said they want to know how I did it, so I need to do this-for them as well as for me. It's very emotional, so if you think of me, whisper a prayer that I can get through this.

Love to all and God bless-
Debbie

Another step in my "New Normal" life

2010-06-03T17:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I took another major step in my “new normal” life. I went to a restaurant by myself—not the fast-food kind, the kind where you stand at the counter, place your order, carry it to your table, and eat without being seen. This was the kind where you actually get seated and they hand you a menu and a waitress comes to take your order.

The Brighton Depot Restaurant was hosting a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life, so I couldn’t pass up the opportunity for lunch. I figure if I’m driving cross-country this summer, I may find myself at a restaurant, and I better get used to it. Life keeps going forward, and I better hop on the moving sidewalk or be left behind!

It wasn’t nearly as painful as I thought it was going to be. I wish I’d done like in the movies and taken a book with me. But about the time I thought to dig in my purse to see what I had to read, the food was there. It was really fast. So it wasn’t … it wasn’t too terrible.

Remember the hail storms we had last week? Well, it turns out that my roof needs to be replaced, in addition to my cars being “dimpled”. I have appointments for all three to be assessed, repaired, and covered by insurance. Thank God for insurance! All I’ll owe is three deductibles. Guess I better start selling some books!

In one of the devotions in Covenant Home Altar, Garth Bolinder wrote, “In the midst of the temptations, turmoil, and trails of life it helps to know that God the creator is also God our sustainer.” That’s what He’s been for me, especially in the last couple of years—my sustainer through all the turmoil and trials. I can’t imagine handling all this alone. And thanks to all of you for walking it with me.

Make it a great day!
Debbie

"All Hail the Power"

2010-05-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon, friends and family-
I just came in from raking leaves. Yes, raking leaves in May! We had a lovely series of storms come through yesterday, six storms over a six-hour period, each one accompanied by hail. The first was the nastiest, lasting about half an hour with hail up to two inches in diameter! I saved some in the freezer if you want to see it.

The house seems to be undamaged—no broken windows and no flooding indoors. But the cars have dimples, and not the ones you get when smile. Yes, Bryan’s red Dodge Magnum was in the driveway along with my silver Stratus. I stood helpless at the window, having a tearful discussion with God as the hail gave the cars “depth”.

I learned long ago the difference between a problem and a fact of life: a problem you can do something about; if you can’t change it, it’s a fact of life. That hail was a fact of life—no amount of screaming, crying, or running outside to move the cars would stop the storm. (It might have dented my head!) But I could decide my response to it, and I chose to accept it and take care of the damage later.

This reminded me of 2 Corinthians 1:5, “For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” Thank you for all the overflowing comfort you have shared with me for nearly two years now. We all have sufferings to deal with, but living through them and thriving on the other side give us the courage and strength to help others.

Anybody need leaves raked in May? I have experience!

By the way, I have a signed contract with HigherLife Publishing. My cancer manual should be published by February if not before, and I’ll have a website for it about the same time. There are a lot of people who need the “comfort” that I can share from my experiences and I’m looking forward to it.

Take care, make it a great day, and share comfort with someone who needs it—
Debbie

May 2010 CCWC

2010-05-18T18:22:00.000-07:00

Hello, dear friends and family-

Well, I have survived the Colorado Christian Writers’ Conference and my life has returned to “normal”. It was a fantastic five days spent learning more about writing, publishing and marketing, as well as making new friends and cementing old relationships. It was absolutely great!

The weekend started with picking up my editor Hope and Cary Grant at the airport for the drive up to Estes Park. (Rick Marschall had e-mailed me a picture of Cary Grant so I’d know what he looks like.) :-) I attached the picture to a sign with his name and held it high so he could find me among the crowds. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who wanted to wait with me to see Cary Grant walk up!

The conference had more workshops than I could attend and more information than I could ever hope to absorb. I took notes fast and furious (or is that fastly and furiously?) so that I can type and digest them when I have time, hopefully this week. The more I learn about writing, publishing, and marketing, the more I have yet to learn!

In case you haven’t heard, I am now in negotiations with HigherLife Publishing to have Stepping Through Cancer, A Step-By-Step Guide for the Journey in print later this year. YAY! Hope Flinchbaugh, my editor, met with me at the conference for half an hour to discuss this book and another that I’ve started. She’s really excited and has some great marketing ideas for a Stepping Through Cancer website. We'll have a survivors' wall for people to send a picture and short bio, as well as a memorial wall to help us remember our loved ones. I’m also creating a notebook for use with the cancer book, which will give caregivers a little control in an otherwise uncontrollable situation.

I keep running across Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" I told Hope that was meant for me. God promised to give me hope, and I got Hope as my editor and friend!

Actually, this verse has helped me to accept all the rotten stuff I've had to deal with for my entire life. The plans have always been to prosper me and not harm me, to give me hope and a future. I can see that now. had. And that, along with my writing, gives me hope and a future. But the promise isn't just for me. All of His children can claim this promise. His plans for us are good. We just need to be willing to let Him use us.

Blessings to all of you.
Debbie

Debbie's brother and book, May 1

2010-05-01T09:11:00.001-07:00

Good morning, friends, women, and countrymen. Lend me your ears – oh, no that’s something else. Well, you can see that I’m doing quite well. As my father-in-law would say, I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I’m in.

Update on my brother Ken Horn – he woke up from his seizure-induced sleep. He’s not talking much and when he does, he mumbles. But he is alert and eating now. Praise the Lord! We weren’t even sure he would wake up. Our God is full of surprises! :-)

And here’s another praise – My step-by-step cancer book has moved to the next phase! My friend Hope Flinchbaugh completed my Manuscript Review, and I now need to make some changes and decide on a title. Then, HigherLife and I will be negotiating a contract to get the book published, create an e-book from it, and develop a website for cancer caregivers to use as a reference and source of encouragement.

It looks like God is orchestrating my new career. I’m so excited about being able to help those in the same situation I found myself in just a short time ago. Guess that’s why He helps us through tough times – so we can be a blessing to others.

Something interesting I came across in Isaiah 43:2: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

Notice that it says “when” and not “if” these things happen. God knows all the rotten stuff we’re going to face, and assures us that He’ll be with us through it all. It’s been my experience that He prepares us ahead of time, whether we realize or not. We’re never alone.

Thanks for your support during the past couple of years. God loves you and so do I.
Debbie

Green Eggs and Ham with a side of Joy

2010-04-06T16:20:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends and loved ones-
I trust you all had a very happy Easter. Mine was great, spent with family. I decided to make deviled eggs with blue food color added to the yolk mixture, so we had “Green Eggs and Ham” for dinner. My 8-year-old twin granddaughters looked at me like I was crazy and refused to try them, but the adults loved them!

I finally mustered the courage to send my manuscript to HigherLife Publishing for a manuscript review. That’s where my friend Hope Flinchbaugh is an agent and editor. Their team of editors will look at it and give me feedback. Then, if they decide it’s a book they can sell, maybe we’ll talk contract. I’m so excited and nervous all at the same time. God opened this door last year, and I finally got around to walking through it. If this isn’t a good fit, there’s another publisher in town interested. I’ll let you know how it works out.

My son Brian Harmon and his wife Sarah announced that they’re expecting their first child, due September 24th. They’re even more excited than I am, if that’s possible. I believe that when a couple is pregnant, instead of saying they’re expecting a baby they should say that they’re expecting a teenager. After all, kids are teenagers for seven years and babies for a much shorter time!

My younger son Tim Harmon will be graduating from college in June. I never would have imagined that, watching him struggle to get through high school. I guess God still works miracles!

At church this Sunday, our pastor John Martz was talking about joy, which is what I have chosen for my attitude. John said, “Joy is idealism that has been through the fire and got purified. Cynicism is idealism that has been through the fire and got burned.” That’s me. I’ve been burned and burned and worked my way past the cynicism. Finally got a lot of dross burned off, so I hope I’ve been purified. At least I feel the joy is real.

We’re coming up on 18 months since Bryan’s death, and I never dreamed I would make it this far. Now, I just need the courage to begin speaking to groups, so I can share with others how to maintain a positive attitude in spite of life. Let me know if you hear of a group that needs a speaker, especially in the Denver area.

Thank you for all your support, love, and prayers.
Love to all-
Debbie

"Seasons of Solace" by Janelle Shantz Hertzler

2010-03-01T10:03:00.000-08:00

Good Monday morning (or afternoon, if you're in the Eastern time zone)-
I'm one step closer to publishing my book, thanks to a Saturday-night answer to prayer. But that’s not what this e-mail is about. I want to share with you some information on a book I'm reading that may make a difference in you or in someone you love.

Janelle Shantz Hertzler, a friend and writer, sent me a copy of her latest book, "Seasons of Solace, A Story of Healing through Photos and Poems." It's wonderful!

Janelle and her husband John had been working thru a Mennonite organization in Thailand, assisting with economic development, helping AIDS patients, and teaching English. Her husband was killed by a drunk driver, leaving her alone in Thailand with their 18-month-old son Micah.

When Janelle started working thru her grief, she expressed herself in poetry for the first time since high school, and began taking photos of nature. These two creative arts have been combined into a beautiful hardcover book that is helping me in my grief journey as well.

Here is one of my favorite poems from Janelle’s book:

True Me
I know well the me I’m told to be
but I don’t know the me
that was given me to be.
The true me, the inner me,
the deepest me remains unknown.

When I live the me I’m told to be,
I fail, I disappoint, I hurt.

When I show only the me I’m told to be,
I feel shallow and deceptive.
I make promises I cannot keep.

Will I choose the risk
of turning inside out?
What will I find as I get to know the me
I am made to be?

Incredible! Janelle lets us see her deepest hurt and watch as she begins to heal. I especially love the one where she swore at God, then "waited for the proverbial lightening bolt. / But I heard, / 'I've been waiting for you to be real. / Now we can move forward together.'"

In addition to the poetry and photographs in her book, Janelle also provides a list of Recommended Reading, so you can explore and do necessary grief work in your life. These include books on Grief, Reflecting on Loss, Poetry/Writing for Healing, and Photography for Healing.

You can get information Janelle’s book from her website, www.journey-through-grief.com and from there click on the link to Amazon to purchase it. You may consider buying an extra one as a gift.

Thanks for letting me share this with you. Let me know how you like the book. You can also e-mail Janelle thru her website and tell her as well.

I'll keep you posted on my book, "Stepping Thru Cancer, A Step-by-Step Guide for the Journey," and when I'm starting my speaking ministry. Looking forward to seeing you and hearing from you.
Love to all-
Debbie

Publishing Ordeal

2010-02-17T21:20:00.000-08:00

I trust you all had a good Valentine’s Day. I got thru it alone, and it wasn’t as bad as anticipated. Life goes on, one day at a time, and the pain lessens little by little.

I’ve given computer-printed copies of my book to Bryan’s oncologist and an editor-friend for their input. It’s kind of like showing off your new baby. You hope everybody admires the little one and says only good things.

Many have asked if my book is published yet. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. Here’s a brief overview of what’s involved. I need to find a publisher and maybe an agent.

There’s a 3-step process in getting an agent:
Send a 1-page query letter with a brief description of the book and what makes it different. Wait 1-2 months for a response.
If the agent is interested, send a 20- to 30-page proposal letter with a few chapters of the book. Wait again for twice the amount of time, usually 2-4 months.
If the agent is still interested, then send the entire manuscript and wait around 4-6 months.
With all the waiting, it takes up to a year just to get an agent. If the agent doesn’t allow simultaneous submissions, I go thru it one agent at a time until I find one who wants me.

Getting a publisher takes the same three steps and about the same length of time, even with an agent as a go-between. It could take a year or longer just to get the manuscript accepted. Then, it’s another year or two before it’s published! One contact in publishing suggested that I go directly to a publisher for my first book, so I’m trying to decide which one(s) get the query letter.

It could take a total of 2-4 years to hit bookstands. One writer’s website has a list of 39 steps to getting published. Step 1 is to write the book. (That’s the easy part.) Of the remaining 38 steps, 22 of them start with the word “wait.” I guess God will teach me patience if I wait long enough.

The only way to avoid all this waiting is to self-publish. That means that I pay all the publishing costs and have all the books shipped to my house. Then, bookstores and Amazon.com order from me instead of from the publisher, and I handle all the shipping. Doesn’t sound too appealing, so I’d prefer the other way instead.

Now you know that publishing isn’t an overnight accomplishment. I can’t get back to writing articles or other books until the wheels start turning on this one. I would appreciate your prayers in my search. I’m terrified of putting my “baby” in the wrong hands.

Take care and remember that God loves you and knows what you're facing today. I need to remember the same!

Duane's passing and 3 cancer hints

2010-01-16T17:45:00.000-08:00

Good Saturday evening, dear friends and loved ones.
It is with a sad heart that I advise you of the death today of Duane Koski, my son Brian’s father-in-law. Duane was diagnosed with cancer in mid-November, and outlived the doctor’s prediction by three weeks. He fought valiantly, but slipped peacefully into eternity with his family at his side. Thank you for your prayers for him, and please continue to pray for his wife Nancy and daughters Sarah and Laura.

When Duane was first diagnosed, Sarah said she wished that my book was available, because they could use the suggestions in it. I sent her the first chapter, which contains the three most important hints. I decided I’d share them with you as well.

When you or a loved one is diagnosed with cancer, there are three vital things to do:
1. WRITE IT DOWN: Take notes at every treatment and doctor’s appointment, and record weight, blood pressure, and temperature whenever they’re taken, as well as pain and nausea levels and how medicines affect them. Keep these and all other paperwork and handouts in a loose-leaf notebook.
2. SLOW DOWN: Don’t drive as fast or do things as quickly as usual. Your mind is working slower, so take your time doing everything, especially in the kitchen. You can cut or burn yourself or put things away in the wrong place, like the milk in the pantry instead of the refrigerator.
3. SIT DOWN: Take time for yourself and don’t feel you have to keep your normal schedule. Give yourself permission to rest when you need to, whether you’re the patient or the caregiver. You need it.

Feel free to pass these on to anyone facing cancer, to help them on their journey. This is from the first step of my book, “Stepping Thru Cancer,” which is about 80% done, so it should be available soon. Each week, I hear of someone else who is starting their cancer journey, and that’s an expedition that shouldn’t be made alone. I hope to have the book out in the next few months.

Thank you for standing by me on my journey, and continuing to support me in my new career.
Love and prayers to all-
Debbie

Merry Christmas, 2009

2009-12-23T14:57:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!
I put off writing this letter because I didn’t have anything worth sharing. My wonderful sister-in-law Wanda had warned me that the second Christmas alone is worse than the first, and it proved to be true. Last year, I had adrenaline, busyness, friends, and family to help me through, but this year the reality finally set in.

Other years, I’d have my tree up and decorated the day after Thanksgiving, but this year it took two weeks longer, and the rest of the decorations took another week. Fortunately, I had already done most of my shopping, so I was more prepared than I thought.

Last night, my sister-in-law Carolyn called to share her Christmas joy with me. She had been to the VA hospital in Reno to visit her husband, my brother Ken Horn, who is doing much better than expected. He is eating more, is putting some weight back on, and most of the time has control of his muscles.

Ken dropped a magazine on the floor, and managed to bend down and pick it up. Not bad for someone who just a few weeks ago could move only his eyes! He doesn’t laugh, but he does get a big grin, especially when something funny happens. And when their son Eric left his room, Ken told him, “I’m not dying yet.” We can all learn from his determination, especially me.

We’re still praying for Duane Koski, my daughter-in-law Sarah’s dad. He’s in a nursing home and getting treatment and physical therapy to regain his strength. He and his family still need our prayers and God’s help.

Let’s all make this a great holiday with loved ones and remember the reason for Christmas: God sent His son to live with us and die for us so that we can be with Him forever. One of our church choir’s Christmas songs says it all, “Start at the manger, then go to the cross.” I hope and pray that you do the same, start at the manger this Christmas, then go to the cross. What a gift, feely given and received.

Merry Christmas to all, and God bless us, every one!
Debbie

First anniversary

2009-10-26T13:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I survived the first year without Bryan. One year ago, on October 24, 2008, Bryan passed into the arms of his Savior to live in eternal joy. He is no longer in pain, no longer sleepless, and totally cancer-free. And I know that one day we’ll be reunited.

My sister-in-law Wanda e-mailed me on Friday to let me know she was thinking of me, and that the anticipation of the day is usually worse than the day itself. She was right! She quoted Psalm 119:49-50 -- "Remember Your word to Your servant; You have given me hope through it. This is my comfort in my affliction: Your promise has given me life."

Thanks to my wonderful family who made sure I wasn’t alone at all that day. My mom (actually my first mother-in-law Loretta, who calls me her “other daughter”) came over Friday and spent the night. Then, my son Brian and his wife Sarah came over and we all watched a Ken Davis comedy DVD. Boy, it felt good to laugh! And to top it off, my sister-in-law Ann got us tickets to the Colorado Avalanche hockey game, which the Avs won! It turned out to be a good day after all. The tears didn’t flow until I was alone on Sunday.

I’m officially retired now. Many were concerned that I would spend too much time alone, since I’m home writing all day. However, in the three weeks I’ve been retired, there was only one day that I didn’t get out and see people. And now that rehearsals for the Christmas program at church are under way (and I’m the pianist), that’ll get me out of the house six times a week!

Work is coming along on my book giving practical ideas and suggestions for each step of the cancer journey. I’ve written seven of the 50 anticipated chapters. I’ve put my personal story on hold for now, as people facing cancer need these ideas to get them through one day at a time; my story can wait. The words just seem to flow out of me when I write, so I should have the first book completed well before the end of the year. Re-writing and editing, however, that’s another story!

My trip to Ohio for my sister Barb’s funeral went very well. There were a few difficult moments, as people deal with grief in different ways, and may not understand when someone responds differently. I’m so glad I had that visit with Barb in August. And Barb’s daughter Patti came back to Colorado with me after the service to attend my nephew Fred’s (her cousin’s) wedding in Grand Junction two weeks ago. It was a joyous time and a great trip, and we had time to grieve together.

My sister Barb passed into eternity

2009-09-27T11:53:00.000-07:00

I had planned on sending a retirement update, with a countdown (three working days left) before I start on my new career. However, life has a way of changing course for you, like it or not.

My older sister, Barbara Jean Carr, passed away suddenly this morning in Ohio of an apparent heart attack. I don’t know all the details, but we are understandably in shock.

Remember the Bucket List that Bryan and I were creating when we first got his cancer diagnosis? There were things that we had always meant to do, but didn’t get around to. Well, one thing that I won’t regret is taking the opportunity to go to Ohio last month prior to my writers’ conference in Philadelphia. I got to visit with Barb one last time, not realizing it would be the last. We had a good visit, probably the best we’ve had in a long time, although it was short. We had a heart-to-heart talk about life with and without Bryan and moving on after death. Little did we know it would be our last conversation.

Please pray for Barb’s family and for her husband Bill. They celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last year, so he’ll have a major adjustment ahead of him. Also pray for family members traveling to Ohio this week for her memorial service, and for support of one another. We know that death of a loved one tends to bring out the worst in folks who are all hurting, so we’ll need an extra dose of grace to deal with one another.

2009-09-06T20:57:00.001-07:00

Happy Labor Day! I don’t know what you have planned, but I hope it has nothing to do with labor! I’ll be going to a picnic with family & friends Monday afternoon.

I’ve gotten numerous requests for an update, so here goes. I was updating once a month, but I’ll try to keep you posted every couple of weeks instead, so you know how to pray for me. Lori Proffett, a dear friend from Arvada Covenant Church, offered to set up a BlogSpot for me, so hopefully I’ll be posting my updates there soon.

My retirement date is still scheduled for September 30, 2009. I may need to work a few days longer to help train my replacement, if and when he/she gets hired, but I’m going to a Colorado Rockies afternoon game on October 1, so at least I won’t be working that day!

Contrary to popular opinion, I won’t be a “lady of leisure” when I retire from Qwest. I’m starting a new career and a new business, so I’ll probably be even busier than ever! I’ve set December 31, 2009, as the deadline to have my first two books written. One is my personal experience going thru Bryan’s cancer and death, and the other is a step-by-step handbook for anyone facing the cancer process as a patient or caregiver.

God never ceases to amaze me! When I tell people about my new career and ministry, I get offers of help and contacts that I never expected, but appreciate greatly. It’s quite obvious that this is where God wants me, because all the right doors are opening. A speaking and writing ministry has been my dream for 40 years (yes, I’m older than 40; I’m retiring after 37 years at Qwest!), and I can hardly believe it’s finally coming true.

"God does not begin by asking our ability, only our availability, and if we prove our dependability, He will increase our capability.” (Neal A Maxwell) I have made myself available and dependable, and I know He’ll make me capable. He can do the same for you.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement, prayers, help, love, e-mails, phone calls, hugs, tears, and everything else you are sharing with me. I don’t feel like I’m going out totally on my own; I have hundreds of supporters who love me and want to help me succeed. Thank you!